Of Love, Lies, and Life
by Maddeline Kirkland-Bonnefoy
Summary: - Lukas and Matthias have a fight; the Norwegian spends the rest of the night worrying, but also hiding it from someone very precious to him. - Warnings inside; rated for subject matter and because I'm paranoid. Modern AU.


**Hello, readers. Yes, I am in a Hetalia stage. Yes, I am still working on the _Crimson_ series. (Yes, Koneko, I _know_ I should be working on the hostage situation.) This… originally began as a way to vent after my girlfriend and I had a… tiny argument, which I blame myself for. At a certain point… it became something else. I don't honestly know what. As you can see by the point of view of this, I write Norway easily (kinda?) and that my girlfriend is also my Denmark. Anyway, on to the "officially important" bits of this…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia; it belongs to Hidekaz Harumiya. I don't own Skype, either; that belongs to whomever created it.**

**Warning(s): DenNor. Implied yaoi. Extremely vaguely implied past mpreg. Modern AU. Nothing much explained.**

**KEY:**

**Lukas = Norway**

**Matthias = Denmark**

**Emil = Chibi!Iceland**

**Translations at the bottom.**

* * *

He doubted he had ever felt so stupid in his entire life.

In all honesty, the whole argument was rather silly, but, given their personalities, it had happened anyway. And, if he were honest, he felt horrible about it. Not that he would ever let anyone know that – well, anyone but _him_ – but still, it was the truth. With a soft sigh, the Norwegian leaned back in his desk chair, and tipped his head back. The blank, white ceiling seemed to taunt him just as much as the equally blank, equally white Skype message screen did. Closing his cobalt-violet eyes for a moment, he brought up a pale, boney hand to rub at them. This was just… so frustrating. No, he didn't blame the other for this; it was entirely his own fault, but still… They had been arguing over things a bit more than previously, and the pale blonde – both pale in hair color and in skin-tone – couldn't for the life of him figure out how to fix this. It wasn't a question of how he felt, though depending on who was asked about the subject, he felt everything and nothing; no, it was more… how he should be able to see and understand what the other was feeling, and should know how best to deal with it. (The fact that his webcam was constantly or near-constantly broken not currently withstanding.)

After all, he did love him, often times so very much that it became a physical ache.

And yet, it always seemed to happen, and it was always his fault. No matter what the other, a rather hyper Dane, would say to the contrary, the Norwegian knew that it was his own fault. After all, Lukas, as the paler of the two blondes was named, wasn't the one who had been hurt and used and manipulated throughout his life. He had endured cold solitude, which, he couldn't help thinking bitterly, Matthias – his Danish boyfriend (fiancée? It wasn't yet official…) – probably would have preferred, to being constantly used by someone or other… but it hadn't happened that way, and both situations had left their mark on both males. Where Lukas was anti-social and cold on the outside, and horribly insecure and self-loathing on the inside, Matthias was hyper and loud, but in truth skittish and gun-shy and very slow to trust anyone.

The two were very different, but (as they had re-discovered that Fall Break in Copenhagen, four months ago when they had met for the first time since Lukas had moved back to Norway when he was sixteen, during their freshman year of high school) they were also a good deal alike. No matter what Matthias may have said, he was just as insecure about himself as Lukas was. No matter how much he tried to push people away, Lukas secretly caved love from someone, just as the Dane he had fallen in love with so dizzyingly quickly did. They had both had rotten luck with relationships, but Lukas knew that Matthias had had more of it, being bisexual as he was. They both had much less than ideal family situations, but the Norwegian knew that his boyfriend had gone through more than he, even if he battled an eating disorder daily that could very likely kill him.

He would never understand it, but Matthias loved him all the same, cold and sometimes hurtful as he was. But he knew why he loved the Dane. It was easy, he thought, to see why. Even though Matthias could never agree, and though the paler blonde would never actually say it, Lukas saw him as kind and charming, endearing and sweet, wonderful and someone he would never want to live without. Yes, the taller blonde had his bad points – what human didn't? – but Lukas loved him both because of and in spite of these things.

Lukas just wished he would soon figure out how to navigate better, or he feared for his relationship with the Dane. He didn't want it to be broken again, just because he was a stupid idiot who didn't really understand emotions. Even if last time it had just been because he was a coward and scared out of his mind.

"Bror?"

The soft sound of his bedroom door opening, and the equally soft word broke into his thoughts, and made him sit straight so he could look at the child in his doorway more clearly. He never let on that the word broke his heart, but such was life. The child, a touch tall for his six years of age, peered at Lukas with sky-blue eyes from under a mop of hair just a shade or two darker than the older's platinum.

"Ja, Emil? Du bør være i seng, det er sent," he admonished gently, his eyes showing warmth even if his expression and tone of voice remained neutral. Standing, he moved over to the younger blonde and knelt down to his level. Though, as stated, Emil was a touch tall for his age, and though Lukas himself wasn't very tall – 5'5" or 5'4" at the most – the older blonde never liked talking down to anyone, even if he seemed to do that anyway.

"Du bør også, bror," Emil murmured shyly, but despite his shyness, he continued, "Du har skolen tidlig i morgen, riktig?"

Lukas sighed; the young boy was quite observant, even if he didn't yet understand the concept of school fully yet, which he would start the next year. As for the older blonde, he only took classes part time at the local university, and spent the rest of his time working. And, as always, he didn't let on that it was like a knife in his chest every time Emil called him "bror." He could never tell the child the truth, no matter how much he wanted to.

Shoving away those thoughts, he responded. "Ja, jeg beklager," he murmured, before standing again, and taking the boy's hand in his. Gently leading Emil back to his own room, Lukas stayed just long enough to murmur, "God natt, lillebror," kiss him on the forehead, and see him tucked into bed. This done, the older blonde returned to his own room. Both bedrooms were very small, as was the entire apartment, but it was better than where they had lived before Lukas had managed to get a steady job. He shuddered to think about what would have happened, had he had to resort to… less reputable means, but he had had a moment of luck, and found his current job.

Powering off his computer – he would call Matthias and patch things up in the morning – the skinny blonde changed into his pajamas and crawled into bed. He easily ignored the chill, after years of never being warm enough, but curled into a ball anyway. Hopefully, things would at least look a bit brighter in "paradise." The Norwegian didn't know why people used that saying to refer to relationships (he put it down to strange Americans) but… in truth, when both he and Matthias were happy, it rather felt like paradise.

That thought in mind, he finally passed out, dreaming of being married to a Dane with sky-blue eyes, and a small child, with nearly white hair and sky-blue eyes, that called him Mor.

* * *

**Translations:**

"**Bror," is brother in Norwegian.**

"**Ja, Emil? ****Du bør****være i seng****, det ****er sent," = „Yes, Emil? ****You should be in bed; it's late." Norwegian.**

"**Du****bør også, bror. Du har****skolen tidlig****i morgen,****riktig?" ****= "You should, too, brother. You have school in the morning, right?" Norwegian.**

"**Ja, ****jeg beklager." = "Yes, I'm sorry." Norwegian.**

**"God natt, lillebror." = "Good night, little brother." Norwegian.**

**And lastly, "Mor," is Mother in Norwegian.**

**Yes, Ice speaks Norwegian here, since he is half Norwegian. I bet you all can guess what else he is~**

**That said, I hope you all enjoyed this… little random thing. **


End file.
